


sever my last remaining breath

by trainerlyra



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hopeful Ending, Introspection, M/M, Not Beta Read, Spoilers, Vague Hints of Romance, so we can go eat a microwave meal and go to sleep like men, we finish the fic and post immediately
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-28 23:07:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20433977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trainerlyra/pseuds/trainerlyra
Summary: After everything is said and done, Ryoken Kogami has three final tasks he must complete.





	sever my last remaining breath

**Author's Note:**

> "Wow Mitzi you sure write a lot of Ryoken introspection-" Shut up the new episode gave me feelings. A lot of them. Please have mercy on my soul. This is literally just me spewing emotions and thoughts and feelings out onto a page. It was a very cathartic write, but it doesn't make the most sense and kind of goes all over the place, lmao. I just had scenes I envisioned very clearly that I knew I had to write.
> 
> This is kind of a spiritual follow up to _i have always been afraid of what it means to forgive_, if that had continued past canon and hadn't ended so... definitively. It's written kind of like that fic, that's all. So don't expect too explicit DataStorm from this, if that's what you're looking for, my other fics will definitely be better for you aha.
> 
> That said, SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 116.

Standing outside on his balcony, Ryoken watched as the sunset began to fall over the ocean in front of him.

Had he got what he wanted, he wondered? Link VRAINS was closed. The Ignis were gone - including Ai. Yusaku was left, once again, with no one. Not a cleaning robot, not an artificial intelligence created through the mind of his six year old self. Not even Takeru Homura, who had left Den City to go back to his grandparents in their seaside country town.

Was he satisfied? Spectre, the other Knights that he called family; they had all returned to him. Everyone who Ai had defeated in his conquest was gifted the honor of life once more, even though Ai himself could no longer participate with them. Everything he had set out to do was finished - almost.

In true nostalgic fashion, there was still three things left, much as he didn't want to truly do the first two. Ryoken was ready to turn himself in, as were the other Knights. They had committed horrible atrocities in their lifetimes. They had nearly killed hundreds of thousands of people for their own goals, regardless of if those goals were to protect the very same people. He knew he deserved it; spending the rest of their lives in a jail cell. It was what should be done.

Sighing, he watched as the sunset slowly revealed the night sky, Stardust Road twinkling beneath him. Unfortunately, he was never one to leave loose ends untied. Turning himself in at the current moment, with those two things grating on him for the rest of his life, however long or short it may be…

Ryoken shook his head. That was unacceptable. Swiftly, he turned around from the beautiful ocean, heading back into his own private quarters. Tomorrow, he decided. He would begin tomorrow.

* * *

**i.**

Unsurprisingly, the Cafe Nagi food truck was parked in the center of Den City, as it usually was. Kusanagi had been quick to go back to doing what he loved after the dust had settled, which Ryoken could begrudgingly appreciate. It was hard work, he was sure, but to work for your passions wasn't as draining as it could've been he supposed.

He stood off to the side for a bit, far enough away from the truck that Kusanagi wouldn't spot him unless he was looking for him. He'd chosen to come during school hours, hopefully successfully avoiding Yusaku. That particular conversation was for another day, another time. It was one he wasn't quite ready for, yet.

Allowing himself another moment to steel his nerves once the lunch rush began to clear, Ryoken moved with purpose to the front of the truck, his face impassive as always. If Kusanagi was surprised to see him, the older man didn't show it.

"Revolver," he said as a greeting, his eyes narrowed and tongs in his hand as if they could be turned into a weapon. "What are you doing here?"

Ryoken had expected resistance. He had let his brother suffer horrible for six months before he had finally had the guts to do something about it, after all. Regardless of the fact that he was only eight at the time, it was a sin that should not be forgiven. That was, of course, not including the rest of the list that he had written over the last year and a half.

"Kusanagi." Ryoken's tone was cold, clipped, and he strained himself to loosen up. He wasn't there on business, he wasn't there to ask something of the older man - he was there to apologize, as he should've done many times over in the past. Humility was important, right now. "Is now a good time?"

This time, the surprise does register on Kusanagi's face. His eyes widen, and the tongs he held threateningly dropped a fraction of an inch. "For what?" He asked, clearly unsure as to what this was about. "I mean, sure, I probably won't be seeing many customers for a bit, but…"

His lips curled upwards for a second, dropping back down quickly. "It won't take long," Ryoken promised, nodding towards the back of the van. "Thank you."

Kusanagi's eyes now looked akin to those of a bug. Ryoken Kogami was not someone who asked for permission to do things. He was not someone who apologized at a whim, about trivial things, and he certainly wasn't someone who thanked another for doing something that he expected of them. It wasn't how he'd been raised, and it wasn't who he had become.

Today, though, he could make an exception. The favor he was about to ask of him was great enough, Ryoken was willing.

* * *

Inside of the van was spacious, Ryoken realized, much more so then he had thought. He, personally, had never actually stepped foot inside, though he'd seen the place through cameras many times in the past. Two of his Knights had even spent time inside, the level of equipment even astounding them, but he'd never really thought about it. From the outside, it always looked like it would be cramped.

"What do you want?" Kusanagi said after a moment of silence, shifting himself uncomfortably with his arms crossed over his chest. "I appreciate the things you've done, but I don't exactly hold you in the same regard Yusaku does, you know."

That much was obvious. The older man wasn't quite hostile, but he might as well have been. It wasn't anything that Ryoken hadn't expected, though. "Two things," he said, meeting his eyes with ease. "An apology and a favor."

It took a minute for Kusanagi to process what he'd said, but Ryoken allowed it. He was there on borrowed time, but this was important. The sooner he was finished, the sooner he'd get what he deserved, yes - but he didn't want to turn himself in with regrets.

"Go on," Kusanagi told him after a moment, trying to forcibly relax his posture. "I'll hear you out."

Breathing, Ryoken took another moment to gather his thoughts. The easy part was out of the way, at least. "I'm sorry for failing to protect your brother against Lightning properly," he said, bowing his head in a manner completely unfamiliar to him. "I failed to find a way around him using Jin as a human shield, and for that, I apologize."

The words were said through gritted teeth, but they were said. Apologizing - talking to people on such an emotional level in general - did not come naturally to him at all. From such a young age, he wasn't allowed to be properly emotional, though he was but a child. If he cried, he would have to do so in private, for fear that his father would see his weakness.

Still, he didn't understand his own feelings, most of the time. There were things that made sense to him: anger, revenge, obsession, drive. But even most of those were detached in a way that someone else's thoughts and feelings were not.

Ryoken supposed he'd have plenty of time in prison to figure them out on his own, however. Now was not the time to dwell.

Raising his head up, he met Kusanagi's nearly permanently shocked expression once again. _Halfway there_, he reminded himself. "I'm sure you remember my plans to turn myself, and the rest of the Knights, in," he continued, reminding Kusanagi of his promise to everyone in Link VRAINS before their hunt for Ai had begun. Slowly, from across the room, Kusanagi nodded. "Please look after Playmaker."

That one took a minute, and honestly garnered a more expressive reaction than his last words. _That, _Ryoken hadn't been expecting. "Why are you asking me that?"

His mouth felt dry. Truthfully, he wasn't quite sure. When Link VRAINS had been permanently shut down, he was adamant about never seeing Yusaku again. That hadn't even been a month ago, but still, the younger boy had not stopped trying to speak with him. There was no doubt in Ryoken's mind that Yusaku would try to convince him that he deserved to live his life out normally, now that they all had the chance, but he refused to hear it.

Yet here he was, talking to what very well could be considered his only guardian, about watching over Yusaku once he was gone.

_Why indeed_.

"I am worried that," Ryoken trailed off, unsure exactly of how to proceed. He took a shallow breath, and tried again, all the while never breaking eye contact. "He was left the worst off after everything," he said, this time with a bit more confidence. "I am concerned that he will stall his own recovery by trying to visit my once I'm imprisoned."

It wasn't quite the truth, but it was a start. It was believable, at the very least, and Kusanagi's posture relaxed just the slightest.

Untangling a hand to push into his hair, Kusanagi sighed. "When you put it like that, I can't exactly refuse," he said, shaking his head slightly. "Yusaku is like family. You don't have to ask me to watch over him."

Not giving him anytime to dissect his other reason for meeting with him, Ryoken nodded. "Good." Turning around, he knew he was being a bit cowardly. _Face forward, _Soulburner had said, but look at him now. He couldn't even face Kusanagi properly. "Thank you for your time."

"Wait!" Kusanagi called out, and though Ryoken wasn't facing him, he could hear him stand up; his long coat swishing as he did so. "What you said, about Jin -"

"I hope he recovers," is all Ryoken said, refusing to hear anymore. Any forgiveness the older Kusanagi might have given him wasn't deserved, and even if it was, he wasn't ready to face it. Maybe once he was sitting in his jail cell, condemned to live the rest of his life out in prison, would he be able to thank Kusanagi for his kindness.

For now, however, he still had something to do.

* * *

**ii.**

Embarrassingly, it took Ryoken three full days to gather the confidence to stand outside of Den City High. It wasn't as if he couldn't have messaged Yusaku in a normal fashion - they had exchanged numbers, during their time working together, for convenience's sake. Something about doing that, though he'd thought about it many times, made it seem more… impersonal. Going to his school, where he could ask Yusaku to speak in person - give him the chance to refuse - was the better way of going about it, Ryoken had decided.

Standing outside of Den City High School, however, was surprisingly more anxiety inducing than Ryoken would've ever guessed. He knew he was conventionally attractive, he'd been told that his entire life, practically, but for some reason, being stared at that day set him on edge. He could hear the giggles of various girls as they walked by, finished with school for the day, and did his best not to scowl.

He was so lost in thought and spacing out that he hardly noticed when a familiar face flittered by, then backed up and stopped dead in front of him.

"I know you," the girl - Aoi Zaizen - said, eyebrows rising. "You're Revolver."

Though he'd never met the girl in person, he wasn't surprised that she was aware of who he was. After he had confessed to his identity while trying to get her, Ghost Girl, and Soulburner to work with him, he shouldn't have been surprised that she went and looked him up. He'd purged himself from most records at a young age, yes, but he was still in SOL Tech's system. It would've been too suspicious to take himself out of there.

With a sigh, he nodded. "Blue Maiden," he greeted, hand finding its way to his hip. "I'm not here for you."

He didn't have time to deal with her, not really. He had promised himself he would meet with Yusaku today, and get it over and done with, so that night he could waltz himself to the closest police station and be done with it all. His mission was complete, he had nothing left to do. Sure, there were things he could live for, now, but it was as he'd told Soulburner during their duel: he wanted to live in a way that would not shame the people he had lost. His father. Windy's child. Spectre. The Knights. Even though they had all come back from the dead - twice - Ryoken still felt those losses in his heart.

Aoi, however, peered at him curiously. "I'm sure you're not," she agreed, "but I'd like to speak with you, now that you're here. Will you join me?"

The way she was looking at him surprised him. Her gaze was holding his with much more authority than he'd expected from the research he'd done on her, and what he knew of her old Link VRAINS counterpart. They were practically two different people, he'd found out from his research; Aoi Zaizen being quiet and subservient, while Blue Maiden had somewhat of an edge to her. A desire to win, a desire to get better, and in Link VRAINS, she had not been afraid to show it.

Maybe she had learned a thing or two from herself, he mused, and slowly he nodded. "Fine," he said, not quite sure what was compelling him to agree. Maybe he wasn't quite ready to face Yusaku, yet. "Where to?"

* * *

They had ended up at a park, not too far off from where Kusanagi's van was parked. Aoi had led him to a bench, patting the space next to her in an offer for him to sit, which he declined. They barely knew each other, even in Link VRAINS.

Ryoken was about to open his mouth to ask why she had dragged him there, but she beat him to it, meeting his eyes with a determined gaze.

"Thank you for saving Miyu back then," she said, voice full of honesty. "I don't blame you for the Lost Incident, but I do credit you for Miyu's safety. Without you, I never would've been able to reconnect with her. So thank you."

Long had Ryoken practiced the art of masking his expressions, so he didn't flinch at her words despite his surprise. Thinking about it, he really should've expected something of the sort. In Link VRAINS, Blue Maiden had always spoken what was on her mind; too honest and too willing to try and see the good in people. Though she had at first expressed her discomforts with working with him and Spectre, once she had heard his story - unwillingly on his part, thanks to Playmaker - she hadn't questioned it again. He wondered now if this realization had something to do with it.

When he didn't respond, she kept talking, and for whatever reason, he couldn't find it in himself to stop her. "I met up with Miyu before he fought Ai," Aoi continued, finally moving her gaze down to her lap. "I explained everything I understood to her, and she told me that she was so grateful to you for saving her, and the rest of the children. She had always been kind," Aoi smiled at this, and though she wasn't looking at Ryoken, he could tell how genuine it was from where he stood. "But hearing her say that reminded me I had a lot to learn. I want to be a better person."

Once again, she looked up to meet his eyes, but this time, Ryoken couldn't stop the parting of his lips fast enough. Why she was telling _him_ this, of all people, he wasn't sure. Part of him screamed at him to _run_, to tell her to shut up, anything to get her to stop talking. None of him deserved to hear this. None of him deserved her, or Miyu's, thanks.

"So I wanted to tell you I forgive you." Aoi's words were like a punch to the gut. "And even if we can't be now, I hope we become friends someday."

He was still in shock as she stood put from the bench, and bowed deeply in front of him. This was… the last thing he had wanted. It was why he had walked out of Kusanagi's van so quickly after saying his piece. It was why he had planned, that day, to tell Yusaku his thoughts, and then head straight to the police station; leaving absolutely no room for Yusaku to even try and stop him.

When he still didn't say anything, Aoi frowned a little, and he hated the look of sympathy in her eyes. He wanted to snarl. His eyebrows furrowed, and his lips curled into a frown himself, but the girl didn't back down.

"I don't know why you're scared of forgiveness," she said, and he'd never wanted to be deaf so badly in his entire life, "but I hope you one day learn to forgive yourself, too."

She left, then; walking to the gate of the park without even a glance back in Ryoken's direction. For someone he barely knew, he thought, she sure knew how to get inside his head. No wonder the Water Ignis had paired with her so easily.

Had she always been so observant? Or had she and Playmaker become better friends then he had thought, in the short time in between Aoi learning his Link VRAINS identity and now. Months had passed, yes, but in the grand scheme of things…

He shook his head violently, fists clenched at his sides. Tomorrow, Ryoken promised himself. Tomorrow, he would finally speak to Yusaku and be rid of all these useless feelings.

Or at least, be content to think about them from a cell.

* * *

**iii.**

Another three days passed before Ryoken found himself on the outside of Den City High School once again. It was ridiculous, he knew, that it had taken him so long since speaking to Aoi to want to try again, but it was a necessary wait. No regrets, he had promised himself, and if he tried to speak with Yusaku before he was ready, he knew he would be treading dangerous ground.

Feeling too many things, too many things he didn't understand, around that boy always lead him to making poor decisions. Why that was, he wasn't ready to dissect yet.

This time around, however, he was anticipating the giggling girls that passed him by, and wasn't quite as bothered by it. As he stood outside near the main gate, he tried to people watch to clear his mind. Remind himself of the people he had saved, had fought to let live and prove that they were better than any AI could be. It was odd how disconnected from average life he had become. Had always been, if he were being honest with himself. He had never really gotten the chance for a normal life.

Unlike Yusaku, he never would.

The boy in question recognized him from all the way down the path, immediately tearing himself away from the other student trying to talk to him. Ryoken steeled himself; reminding himself that he was just there to say his piece and then leave. And then, finally, finally, turn himself into the police.

Too green eyes met his own with a stare that held so much behind it Ryoken wasn't sure he'd ever be able to understand the depths of it. It was almost surreal, looking at this boy now compared to the first time he had come face to face with Playmaker. Those same green eyes were once nothing but angry; cold and full of a need for vengeance.

Now, they looked at him with a variety of things - some he could recognize, some he could not.

"Revolver." Yusaku's tone was clipped, but not angry. More so just confused. "You're here." _That _came out almost as a question, and part of Ryoken wanted to laugh.

"I needed to speak with you," he said, his own voice clipped but for entirely different reasons. Seeing Yusaku in person, not as Playmaker but _in person_, was always an entirely different experience. This particular circumstance was almost straining. "Do you have time?"

He wasn't sure why he was asking, especially with the way Yusaku's - normally non expressive, neutral Yusaku - eyebrows shot up to his hairline before he quickly fixed his expression. "I always have time for you."

It was those kinds of words, those kinds of seemingly easy declarations that drove Ryoken mad. How many times, he wondered, would he have to tell this person that he wasn't _good_ like he desperately believed? How many times would he have to prove that they had different paths they needed to walk? He thought everything would've been dealt with between them, after his and Soulburner's last duel, but unfortunately it had only seemed to fuel the fire. Before they had hunted down Ai, he had told them all he was going to jail. That _had not _changed, no matter how much Yusaku might have wished it.

Most of all, though, Ryoken hated the unexplainable feelings he would get when Yusaku would so carelessly say those things to him. In Link VRAINS or otherwise. He didn't understand the way his stomach would drop, and he kind of hated it. Being in control was something that had been ingrained into him for so long; anything that took him out of the driver's seat, so to speak, wasn't to be trusted.

Finally, Ryoken sighed, gesturing at Yusaku to follow him. The front gate of Den City High was obviously a bit too public for this conversation, especially the way most of the other students were watching them intently. In a similar fashion to Spectre, Yusaku was instantly ready to follow him, not even bothering to ask where they were going together - he obviously trusted Ryoken implicitly, making his stomach twist again painfully. Different from Spectre, however, was the way that he walked in step with him: never behind him, following him akin to a lost puppy.

Always at his side, expected to be treated like an equal. Happy to give and listen, but never ready to be stepped on.

It made Ryoken's head hurt.

* * *

It didn't take horribly long for the two of them to arrive at Stardust Road - it was only a twenty minute walk from Den City High, much to Ryoken's surprise. Granted, he had never paid much attention to how close the local high school, of all things, was to his house, but it was still something he felt like he should've realized after residing there for nineteen years.

Once they got there, however, Ryoken found himself at a loss. He had planned out meticulously how he had wanted this conversation to go: he would tell Yusaku that he was happy that he'd moved on, and that he wouldn't be joining the other boy. He would tell him that no matter what he believed about him morally, he had still nearly killed far too many people to be allowed to walk free with no consequences. And finally, he would apologize, for everything. For kidnapping him as a child, for getting him involved in everything to begin with, and for Ai.

And then he was supposed to walk away, walk downtown to the police station, put his duel disk down on the counter and be done with it all. It was something he'd decided long before Lightning's attack; what he'd been considering all those months alone on a boat with just the other Knights.

Obviously he would've gone after the other Ignises, first - that was his mission. But once his mission had finished, that had always been the plan.

Yusaku should not, could not, change that.

For Yusaku's determined nature and his seeming inability to not dive head first into everything he did, he was patient with Ryoken. Ryoken wasn't sure whether to appreciate it or hate that even now, he was showing him so much kindness.

"What did you want to talk about?" Yusaku finally asked after what felt like hours, leaning against the railing that went down to the ocean. He seemed so comfortable there, in his school uniform with his bag at his feet; the blues in his hair matching the water behind him impeccably well.

Ryoken knew exactly what he wanted to say. Knew exactly what he had come out there for. And yet he couldn't form the words he so desperately wanted to get out and done with. Instead of anything he had planned, he shook his head, wishing he could bring his balled up fists up and rest his head in his palms. "I'm tired, Yusaku."

If the younger boy was surprised by the use of his real name, he didn't show it. Instead, he nodded almost easily, as if he understood.

That made something in Ryoken snap. "You want to know why I brought you here?" He asked, moving his gaze away from Yusaku's too-green eyes and onto the ocean instead, where the sun still sat above the clouds. "I wanted to tell you goodbye before I turned myself in."

"I won't let you." The response was immediate, yet again as if he didn't have to think about it at all. "You don't deserve to go to _jail_, Ryoken. You've already redeemed yourself. You've already proven-"

"Proven what?" He asked, voice sharp as he cut Yusaku off. He didn't want to hear this. He _didn't want to hear this_. "Proven that I can help people if I put my mind to? Proven that I could _be good_?"

Without missing a beat, Yusaku nodded. "Yes." Pushing himself off the railing, leaving his bag behind on the ground, Yusaku moved to stand directly in front of Ryoken - not quite challenging him, but standing his ground firmly. "Yes, that is what you've proven, time and time again. It's what you absolutely, without a doubt proved in your duel against Soulburner."

He wasn't surprised that Yusaku still felt so strongly about this - in fact, it's what he had been afraid of. "Let me go, Yusaku," he said, suddenly feeling wearier than he had in practically his entire life. "My mission is finished."

When he had let slip that he was tired, he wasn't kidding. His whole life had been spent building up to the moment that the Ignis were deleted; freeing humanity from the threat they themselves had created. Because of Yusaku, he had begun to think differently, think maybe Ai could be good, or maybe there was something in life for him besides being a hunter. The truth was, though, that he knew there wasn't. It wasn't because he didn't _want _that - some part of him, large of small, he couldn't tell, did. Desperately, in fact.

But he was serious when he had spoken to Soulburner during their duel. His father, even the Knights who were with him once again… he wanted to make them proud. Proud of who he was, who he'd become. Proud of his decisions; both as a person and as a leader.

It had been all he'd known for as long as he could remember. Everything he did was for them.

And he knew the best way to make his father proud were to let go of regular life, and atone for what he had done. All of his failures, all of the drastic steps that he'd had to take to get to that point. It wasn't just for his father, either. It's what he truly believed should happen to him.

He hadn't realized how much time had passed, the two of them silently staring at each other, neither willing to give an inch. The sun had already set behind him, but that didn't matter. Ryoken was gearing himself up to finally walk away, as it was clear that no matter what he did or said would get through to the younger boy, when Yusaku reached out and snatched one of his balled up fists in his hands.

"What part of _I won't let you _do you not understand?" Yusaku asked, a force behind his words that Ryoken had never heard before. Not even when he was still angry Playmaker, the vigilante of Link VRAINS. "Regardless of even what I think of you, of what you've done, I won't let you do this for _you_."

He didn't understand. In Yusaku's ice cold hand, his own fist felt numb, but he didn't have it in him to even try to pull away. When his mask had broken, in the duel between he and Soulburner, he had thought he would finally be able to be real with himself. Quickly, though, he had learned that… well, that he had a lot of learning to do. There was so many times where there were emotions he still didn't understand, or if he did manage to recognize them, didn't understand _why _it was happening.

Today, he supposed, was one of those times. "What about me," he said, barely even a question at that point.

The grip on his fist tightened. "With how hard you tried for Soulburner, I'm surprised you don't get it," Yusaku replied, no hint of malice or anything of the sort in his tone. Just kindness, in his own, blunt way. "You wanted him to find his own path, and to let go of the past."

"I want you to do that, too." He felt numb saying it. He'd said so much not even ten minutes ago, practically begging Yusaku to let him go so he could rot in a cell and _die_.

"I _have_." This insistence in his tone would've sounded petulant if Ryoken had been talking to anyone else. "I have moved on. I have been figuring out where my place is in this world. You are the only one still chained to the past. To your father and his ideals. All I want now is for you to let go."

When he fought Soulburner, it hadn't been for the letter. It was a convenient excuse, but Ryoken had truly wanted him to move on. The Lost Incident was a painful chain that he didn't need to keep; not with both his parents and Flame gone now. He'd seen the other victims at that point - Jin, who had once been the most damaged of them all, was finally freed thanks to Lightning, in all its irony. Miyu had reconnected with Aoi, and the last strings she had to her troubled past had faded away. Spectre, even, had become a bit more docile since he'd been resurrected by Ai. He'd become more willing to do things for himself, and Ryoken was all the more glad for it.

Soulburner, now, had decided to move back home and prove to his grandparents that he would be okay. That he was moving on. Ryoken was sure that one day, however, he would return to Den City - the boy couldn't seem to stay away from his friends for long.

And Yusaku… Yusaku, who had once been an emissary for revenge; who had once had no desire for anything other than finishing off the Knights, learning the secrets of his past, and rescuing _Ryoken_, in all _that _irony, had blossomed before his very eyes. He'd seen the start of it, back when he first defeated Windy on that fateful day. Yusaku, who had never once been one for trying to settle things peacefully had wound up bound and unable to do much because he'd tried to _talk_. That very same Yusaku had begged him to remember his words from their final duel.

Those changes had only grown over time. Even when Ai, his beloved friend and someone he had accepted into his makeshift little family, had turned on them all, he was determined to do things his way and try and bring Ai back into the light. The outcome hadn't been what he'd been hoping for, but clearly, it hadn't swayed him in his journey.

Oddly, Ryoken was both parts proud and… another emotion he couldn't place. He sighed, shaking his head. His hand had gone numb in Yusaku's.

Had he changed? All the things he'd preached to Soulburner, had he really been a hypocrite this entire time? It seemed that he and Yusaku especially, once they'd decided to move on and try their best, didn't stumble even once. On his own path, he felt like he'd tripped a thousand times. One step forward, and another step back.

"Why do you care so much?" He asked, breaking the small silence. "What do you want from me?"

They were two very different questions, but somehow, Ryoken knew Yusaku would understand.

"I care about you," he said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I've always cared about you. You were my first friend. Do you know what that means to someone?"

_Yes. No. _He didn't reply, so Yusaku continued in his stead.

"I want you to try. All I've wanted since the Tower was for you to move into a brighter future with me. It doesn't even have to be with me," Yusaku corrected himself hastily, and the grip on his hand became so tight Ryoken could feel it through his numbness. "I just want you to _live_."

It hurt, the idea of giving everything up after he'd made his decision so thoroughly. It hurt, feeling like he was letting go of his father. Letting go of his life's work. How could he just let it go like that? Pretend it never happened, never existed, never impacted him or his daily life? It felt ridiculous. It had felt ridiculous when Yusaku had first brought it up, all that time ago on the Tower, and it felt ridiculous now.

He wondered if Soulburner had also thought he was ridiculous. A kid who had tried his damn best to move on, only to have the one thing that had _helped him do so_ be ripped away from him forcefully, by his own failure. His own parents were gone, and the last thing he'd said to them was something horrible, and because he had to be one of the children used in the Lost Incident, he'd never get to apologize. Never get to see them again at all.

What he'd said to Soulburner, everything he'd felt during that duel… he'd been honest, then. More honest with himself then he'd been in years. Maybe ever. He'd seen so much of himself in Soulburner, that day. Someone angry, without direction, wanting nothing more than someone to tell him what to do, where to go. Someone completely lost in their memories. The words he said had come from his own desires, some even from Yusaku's teachings that he'd somewhat internalized.

Thinking about that day, about Yusaku's words in the here and now with his hand held tightly in Yusaku's own, Ryoken realized he had no fight left in him. No energy to disagree; no will to try. When he'd told Soulburner he'd done a good job and smiled, he knew that he'd been partially seeing himself reflected in his win. In his overcoming of his trauma. The final chain cut loose.

Maybe he wanted that, too. For so long, he'd thought that was what he was doing - he'd thought that by putting himself in jail, that was his equivalent of moving on. Of realizing he'd been in the wrong, and had committed horrible crimes to innocent people. By letting go of his mission, he was giving himself the gift that he'd given Soulburner.

The only difference being, Soulburner got to be free. His freedom of mind was in the containment of his own body.

"Going to jail won't solve anything," Yusaku said, breaking Ryoken out of his reverie once more. "Going to jail won't cut your ties to the past. It will only strengthen them."

If there was one thing Ryoken had learned over the past year and half, even if it wasn't perfected, it was humility. He knew when he'd been beat.

For the first time since he was a child, eight years old and hiding himself in his father's private quarters as he listened to the screams of six children, Ryoken allowed himself to cry.

As it always had been, Yusaku was his breaking point.

Slowly but surely, Ryoken unraveled his hands from Yusaku's. The younger boy let him, not breaking his gaze even once as he did so. After he'd successfully freed his hand, bringing some of the feeling back into it, he wrapped it around Yusaku's, squeezing with all his might.

If Yusaku was surprised, he didn't show it. A small smile instead found its way across his lips, lightning up his face in a way Ryoken had never thought possible. How a single person could convince him to abandon all his ideals, the very same ones he'd fought tooth and nail for his entire life, was beyond him. But if it were to be anyone, he supposed Yusaku was a perfect fit.

"This isn't goodbye, then," Ryoken finally said, and it felt like letting out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding his entire life. "I guess I have a lot of learning left to do."

The small smile on Yusaku's face only grew with his every word. "We all do," he agreed, squeezing his hand back just a tightly. "But we can learn together."

**fin.**

**Author's Note:**

> in true datastorm fashion, here's three fun things about this fic:
> 
> 1) i wrote half of it this morning before getting ready for work, exactly 180 words while I waited for my boyfriend to pick me up from work, and then the rest over the last few hours after getting home (and still have not had dinner yet at 10:30PM because of it, oops).  
2) my boyfriend messaged our snapchat group to give me encouragement to finish and everyone sent back snaps of them saluting me, which gave me the dedication for the final ~1.5k push lmao  
3) i have carpal tunnel and am really regretting my (successful, thank you) attempt to finish this all tonight, lmao.
> 
> that all being said, thanks for reading, as always! see y'all again soon, i got more datastorm coming up next week :')


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